He’d been asked for his thoughts on whether you should apply for a job even if you don’t have everything listed in the job ad.

His response …

I was struck by the contrast to what I see in most of my clients, who wouldn’t even dream of applying until they could meet at least 100% of the requirements.

The reason it’s relevant today is I was recently asked,

If your confidence relies on authority - that is, the authority attributed to you by qualifications or experience - then you might not ever feel confident enough to share your magic.

If your confidence comes from your own sense of self, your own belief that you can figure things out as you go … then you’ll ‘step up’ and put yourself forward for more opportunities.

So, where does your cofidence come from?

Well, I say authentic confidence is a function of your competence + experience, amplified or diminished by the stories you tell yourself.

Expressed as a formula, you could say,

Your competence and experience are the foundational elements of authority; though often your immediate colleagues or peers aren’t familiar with the breadth of your experience. So bringing your experience AND competence to the fore will build external authority.

And the REAL source of confidence in this equation is the S … the stories you tell yourself.

The stories that diminsh - we’re familiar with - ‘oh, everyone can do this’, ‘my skills aren’t that unique’, ‘I don’t have formal qualifications’, ‘I could never do ‘that’’.

The stories that amplify - the wins, the evidence, the career and life highlights that, when we become present to them again, we realise we can, we have, we could and we will.

So this notion of where does your confidence come from?

It comes from you.

It’s a choice you make, to see yourself in a certain way (note, you’re already making that choice, the question is, is it a useful perception). It comes from your competence and experience (which are both facts) and the stories you tell yourself about that competence & experience.

My ‘I Am …’ Story framework, along with my brag bag stories, is a POWERFUL, game-changing framework that helps you find and then tell more useful stories about yourself. It just so happens we explored it recently in the 7 Day Speaking with Impact Practice Series and I haven’t yet taken those episodes down off Spotify. So if you’d like to tell more positive stories about yourself, listen to the day 4 session - Overcoming “I’m Not Good Enough” here. (this is different to the podcast that’s featured at the top of this week’s newsletter, which is another perspective on where does confidence come from).

Communicate with Impact

My new Communicate with Impact group coaching program started this week.

It’s a little bit of magic 🤩

I’ve had a few people join ‘late’, that is, they missed the first coaching call on Tuesday.

If you’re keen to join too, but thought you’d missed the boat, you haven’t. The Communicate with Impact ‘boat’ is pulling back into port for you to board if you like.

Join Us

And if you have questions about it? Just ask.

Startup Life

This week I’ve been in Sydney co-facilitating startup accelerator and pre-accelerator programs.

It’s one of my happy places.

In particular, in the pre-accelerator program, the enthusiasm and curiosity of the aspirational founders is EPIC. They are asking questions, they are exploring ideas, they are bouncing ideas with us and each other.

It’s such a delicious contrast to the energy of the world right now, where the underlying conversation is ‘it’s tough’.

And I’m not saying it’s not tough right now … and just like we can choose our stories, we can also choose how we hold ourselves in the world.

Enthusiasm.

Curiosity.

Freshness …

They build momentum and positivity.

Wishing you a very happy Friday and a gorgeous weekend …

See you when I do :-)

Cat

Authenticity is the foundation of trust, rapport and connection … and therefore impact.

Authenticity is also your competitive advantage in a world of content and information that is increasingly AI generated (which is simply the aggregate of everything that’s on the internet, so ain’t nothing authentic about it, even if yuo agree with it).

But here’s what you might not know about me.

I find being authentic quite difficult.

I’m a shapeshifter.

I adapt to most environments I find myself in and respond to the people around me, given the context.

Don’t get me wrong, that’s an advantage … it enables me to influence and be effective.

And I’m often questioning which of my behaviours are ‘mine’, and which are the ones I’ve adopted to be heard.

Even now, as I realise I’m starting a new paragraph for every sentence … I wonder, is that ‘me’, or is that ‘me’ writing for maximum imapact in an online reading environment?

(it’s the latter, and I’m ok with that, because ease of readability increases my effectiveness in this environment, and it’s not undermining what I authentically want to say).

Authenticity is a reflection of your environment

We’re social beings.

If I was a total hermit, with no human contact at all … no social media, no human inputs … I would be a very different person (for the record, as much as I like my own company, I wouldn’t last long).

My authentic expression in that environment would be different to my authentic expression in my current environment.

Adapting to your environment, as you have done your entire life, does not make you any less authentic.

Where I think we let got of ourselves is when we pretend, when we actively ‘act’ in a way that is not ‘us’.

A bit like the final scenes in Grease where Sandy dresses up in sultry leathers and Danny becomes a cardigan-wearing jock.

So what is authentically me, anyway?

Your authenticity isn’t a list of static values, or a neat elevator pitch that gets wrapped up nicely with a bow.

Rather, I think, authenticity is created in response to the people around you. In community. In conversations. It’s being imperfectly you, moment to moment, without ‘stepping into’ a persona that you think you need to be.

I’d love to know how you think of authenticity … and how you know when you’re being authentic. Do you find it easy to be authentic, or has even the process of being authentic become a performative act?

Leave a comment

Speaking with Impact 7 Day Series

If you would like to speak with greater confidence and impact whilst still being AUTHENTICALLY you, join me for my FREE 7 day Speaking with Impact series.

Each day you’ll receive a practical technique to use in your professional context that day, so you quite literally practice speaking with impact in a safe, risk-free way.

We also have 2 live group coaching calls, to answer all your questions and practice even more.

It starts Monday 20 April.

Register NOW

Celebrating 200 episodes of ‘Speaking with Confidence with Cat Matson’

In just 5 weeks, I’ll record and release the 200th episode of my podcast.

200!!!!🤯🤩

To celebrate, I’d love your help.

1. Ask me a question that I can answer on that episode.
   For someone like me who loves being in conversation and responding to people, the one-way broadcast nature of podcasting is odd. So, for this milestone episode I’d love to answer as many questions as I can.
   and/or

2. Can you let me know what you like about the podcast? Why you listen?
   Think of this like a toast that you might make at a milestone birthday celebration - 21st, 40th, 50th … but in this case, for 200 episodes of a podcast. Even if you’ve only listened to 1 episode, I would love to hear your toasts 🥂

Message me with your questions and/or toasts and then listen out for episode 200 on 20th May.

Thank you for reading along … and for being part of my world.

Hopefully I’ll see you next week for the Speaking with Impact series, or I’ll get to answer your question on the 200th episode.

In any event, here’s to confidence, and here’s to impact!

Cat (:

Apparently, if you listen to speaking coaches and ‘gravitas’ advisors, you should never ask

Does that make sense?

That little 4-word sentence is one of my go-to-phrases, so when I saw advice this popping up all over that platform full of experts, Instagram, I immediately took umbrage.

How on earth does a question that checks for understanding get such a bad rap?

Well, it turns out (according to the experts), it does 2 things:

1. It can sound condescending

2. It can infer that you’re not sure if you’ve explained yourself well enough.

The reason I ask ‘does that make sense’ is because I genuinely want to check for understanding before I move on to my next piece of information. I’m aware that sometimes I can skip detail, I can go down rabbit holes or just miss my mark (yes, even as a communication coach), so I ask to give my listener/s the opportunity to ask me questions or to let me know I’ve lost them. The question is designed as a closed question so someone has permission to say ‘no' … which then allows me to back-track.

And, I also acknowledge that if more than 1 expert on instagram is talking about it, perhaps it’s a blind spot of mine.

So when I asked, on Insta, how people feel when they’re asked that question, I was very grateful to Claire Harrison who said

“Love you Cat but do think it often sounds a little condescending, esp when they don’t stop to take a breath before continuing on! 😂”

Ahhh … blind spot revealed!

The real issue

Claire’s response demonstrates to me that it’s not the question itself that is the issue.

It’s the tone, the physiology and the intention behind the question.

If someone is asking the question without pausing for a response, it’s either condescending, or it’s a sophisticated filler phrase (instead of ‘umm’ or ‘ahhhh’).

If someone is asking the question from a place of genuine curiosity, there’ll be an inflection at the end, indicating a question (not an inference), and there’ll be body language, whether it’s open hands or a pause or a change in your eyes, that will elicit a meaningful answer.

Eliciting Engagement, Assessing Understanding

The other argument against the question is it undermines your credibility.

As someone who speaks to be in conversation, not to lecture, I don’t agree with this argument, as I personally use it as an engagement technique.

However, I can appreciate that asking more open questions might be more useful.

What do you think? (see what I did there)

Leave a comment

FREE Speaking with Impact Series

Let me guess ...

• you’ve got fantastic ideas .... BUT when it comes to explaining them, you have too many words, and too many tangents

• you’re great in casual conversations ... BUT when the spotlight is on you, you freeze, lose your words or ramble

• you’re as smart, experienced and knowledgeable as your peers (perhaps even more) ... BUT you’re left wondering ‘why not me’ when they get the promotions, accolades and reputation boosts!

Join me for this FREE 7 Day Practice Series to discover how to deliver a memorable message, in any environment, so that people listen and take note.

It starts Monday 20 April and is designed to fit into your full life (no-one has time for another commitment!) Each day for 7 days you’ll receive an email from me containing a short video lesson (15 mins or less). That lesson is something you can practice THAT DAY.

Plus, I’m including 2 live group coaching calls where you can get your specific questions answered.

Past participants have said this FREE program helped them

Join Us | It's FREE

🎧 My Umbrage 😅 - LISTEN to the podcast

You can obviously watch this week’s full podcast episode, which is all about my thoughts on the question ‘Does that make sense?’.

However, if you’re like me and prefer to listen while you’re doing other things, you can do so …

Listen on Apple

Listen on Spotify

Wishing you a fabulous weekend … I’ll see you again next week!

Here’s to confidence, here’s to impact, and here’s to ensuring your habitual questions aren’t inadvertently patronising your listeners 😉

Cat

Most of what’s going on at the moment is COMPLETELY out of yours and my control, which is part of the concern, right?

And, here’s what I KNOW to be true.

When we complain about how things are, we render ourselves helpless to the situation. Which feels pretty sh*t.

But if we instead surrender, or accept that things are as they are … well, we can adjust what IS in our control.

As a business owner / trainer / facilitator / coach … I’m rethinking my offers, meeting my audience where they’re at and being more proactive in my sales and marketing efforts. I’m looking at where I can trim costs and I’m respecting the fact that the market doesn’t have as much discretionary spend available as they did.

I’m also limiting how much time I spend consuming news, or commentary, and I’m investing a LOT more time in my personal wellbeing practices - exercise, meditation, journalling and sleep.

And, when I find myself complaining, whinging or wishing things were different, I’m doing my best to become present and ask … what’s in my control, what’s not, and what can I do today to look after myself, and others?

🎧 On the Podcast

Åt a recent speaking engagement, I asked the audience,

What stops you from speaking up?

One answer in particular hit me hard.

“I’m tired of always being the one speaking up, defending my argument, trying to get people to listen.”

Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

So, I wanted to chat about that on this week’s podcast. You can watch the full episode ☝️, or add Speaking with Confidence with Cat Matson to your Easter holiday listening on your favourite podcast app.

You’ll hear:

• How to stop blaming ‘them’ and change your approach for better outcomes

• Why ‘seeking first to understood, then to be understood’ is a POWERFUL way to connect with your audience

• A not-so-gentle reminder that influence takes time … and you’re unlikely to make a dent in the universe with just one conversation

• How to use stories rather than data to help move your audience

• How surrounding yourself with other like-minded people can be a powerful way to top up your mental wellbeing cup when it feels like you’re not making progress

• My personal daily ritual for noticing the ‘wins’ and progress … so I can keep going

Yes, it’s very much in the same vein of ‘complaining is pretending’ … and instead gives YOU the power back, without feeling exhausted.

FREE Speaking with Impact Practice Series

Learn how to collect your thoughts and land your message. Every time.
(without feeling unnatural, forced or awkward)

Over 7 days, you’ll receive a short email from me with a practical ‘how-to’ from me.

You’ll be able to use each how-to THAT DAY at work … building skills while you’re learning about them.

We’ll also have 2 live coaching sessions, I’ll answer your questions, help you with specific scenarios and provide additional coaching.

We start on 22 April and it’s completely FREE.

Registrations are essential 👇

Register for the Practice Series

Happy Easter!

Wishing you a delicious and restful Easter break. May your chocolate be your favourite kind (dark, for me) and your hot cross buns be plentiful and how you like them …

… actually, that’s an excellent question. How do you like your Hot Cross Buns? And have you tried the Doritos Cheesy Jalapeno ones?!?!?!

Leave a comment

Using stories to illustrate your point is a powerful way to land your message. The trick though is to not make your story too long, or a shaggy dog story, either.

Listen / watch to hear:

• Why you might over explain yourself

• How I changed from over explaining to using stories

• How to tell stories that are based on your lived experience

• How to ensure your stories don’t become too long, too detailed, or too irrelevant

• My story of why I think we need more diverse voices contributing to the conversations that matter

You can obviously watch right here, or, if you’d prefer to queue it up for your podcast listening time ….

Listen on Spotify

Listen on Apple

Watch on YouTube

Hello fabulous reader,

You may have noticed, I’m trying something new … sending you this week’s podcast episode as it goes live … and then ‘tailing’ it with a little note from me + event updates.

Why?

Because I like trying new things, and my newsletter has become cumbersome … trying to find a ‘teaching moment’ or ‘value content’ in addition to the podcast 😅.

So … I thought I’d give this a go.

Of course, I’m concerned you won’t like it, I’ll increase unsubscribes, you might miss the longer, written newsletter … blah blah blah.

And, there’s only one way to find out if something ‘works’ or ‘tastes good’.

And, that’s to try it.

So … lemme know … whaddya think?

Leave a comment

Storytelling SpeakEASY

This Friday I’m hosting a FREE SpeakEASY all about storytelling.

In short, you come along, learn how to tell better stories, with ease, grace and authenticity, and then practice telling stories in a safe, supportive environment!

It’s happening Friday 27 March at 11am AEST, 12noon AEDT.

Join the SpeakEASY

NEW Communicate with Impact Program

Registrations Opening Soon

My signature Impactful Presenters Program is getting a makeover …

Communicate with Impact is my refreshed program for people who:

• have fabulous ideas but struggle to articulate them well enough to get the support they deserve;

• are multi-passionate and struggle with explaining what they do;

• have so much to say they often speak like a firehose;

• want to be heard in everyday professional conversations - in meetings, in presentations, perhaps even on stage;

• want to make a positive impact in your job, your business, your community or even the world.

Early-bird registrations will open soon, coinciding with my FREE 5-day practice series. If you’re not already subscribed to this newsletter, do that now so you get the heads up when it’s all open!

Whaddya think …

… of the ‘new’ format.

Let me know.

Leave a comment

Until next time I change things up,

Cat

In this week’s episode of Speaking with Confidence with Cat Matson I’m sharing my thoughts, from my own experience, of how to get a seat at ‘the table’, and, how to influence the conversation even if you’re not directly involved.

Listen in to hear;

• Why we often struggle to get included in the important conversations

• How our default reaction, moral outrage and righteous indignation won’t change a damn thing

• The value of building relationships with the people who ARE at the table

• Why being consistent in our messages is a key part of influencing decisions, and ultimately, getting a seat at the table

• How to create our own tables

In this episode you’ll learn WHY you-over explain, how very normal it is AND how you can establish authority without using too much detail.

Listen in to hear how to:

• distill your knowledge into conclusions and insights, rather than giving all the background information

• use your own experiences to establish authority, so you’re not just giving a random, uninformed opinion

• infer detail and knowledge rather than speak all the detail (and risk overwhelming your listener)

• Inform and influence your listeners, rather than overwhelming them

It might not be too late to join the 7 Day Speaking with Impact Practice Series! Join us here - ⁠https://www.impactfulpresenters.com/live-webinar/speaking-with-impact-7daypracticeseries/register⁠

Presence + Impact starts 9 February - join us - ⁠https://www.impactfulpresenters.com/courses/presence-impact⁠

Because, when you speak you want to make an impact. You want to be heard, you want to be seen, you want to contribute your ideas and your expertise.

It’s easy to think that in order to be heard we need to ‘speak up’, or ‘speak louder’; be more emphatic or be bolder.

But none of that feels comfortable, or authentic if you’re humble, quiet and a natural collaborator.

Listen to hear:

• Why being assertive is NOT the answer to being heard, and

• Why I think ‘assertiveness’ training is the WRONG thing for most of us

• How speaking with impact is more about understanding your audience than it is about speaking louder

• How you can influence decisions without dominating the conversation

• How you can learn how to speak with greater impact and confidence

Join me for my 7 day Speaking with Impact Practice Series and learn how to deliver a memorable message, in any environment, so people listen and take note - https://www.impactfulpresenters.com/live-webinar/speaking-with-impact-7daypracticeseries/register

Rate, review and follow this podcast to help get this into the ears of more people like you and get more diverse voices contributing to the conversations that matter.

Gosh, I am. I think in pictures, I see connections that others don’t and when I’m excited about a topic I want to tell you about all.the.things.

Rambling is part of how I think - I’m a verbal, visual processor. Nothing wrong with that.

The challenge, is it can be hard for people to follow us. And, in a professional environment, we can overwhelm others rather than provide the clear, valuable insights we really want to offer.

‘Begin with the end in mind’ is a powerful strategy I use to curb my rambling, identifying the messages that my listener needs to hear.

And, I’ve also learned how to recover when I find myself rambling, without losing my train of thought or credibility.

Listen to episode 182 of Speaking with Confidence with Cat Matson on your favourite podcast player (or right here).

Are you a fellow rambler? Let me know, below (there’s safety in numbers!)

Leave a comment

This is a normal and common response. And it’s NOT a sign of not knowing your stuff.

It’s a nervous system response. The body wants to go into fight or flight mode.

In speaking terms, that looks like …

Flight - your words leave you

Fight - your words come out in a scrambly ramble, verbal diarrhoea style

Here’s the thing. Because it’s a nervous system response, telling yourself ‘you should back yourself more’ is NOT going to work. You need a different approach.

Listen to (or watch) episode 181 of Speaking with Confidence with Cat Matson to hear more.

Subscribe now

You’ll also find Speaking with Confidence with Cat Matson on your favourite podcast player … click through to it on Apple or Spotify to add it to your queue

Does it ever feel like your brain and mouth are out-of-sync? You know what you want to say but your mouth just doesn’t play along?

That’s exactly the experience that’s been described by a regular listener

This is SUCH a common challenge!

Listen in to hear:

• The biggest mistake we make when this happens, and what to do instead

• Why it’s actually not about the words

• How to shift your focus to what your audience needs and wants from you, rather than obsessing over the perfect words

• Why you don’t want to ‘correct’ yourself, instead, focus on connection (don’t correct, connect)

• Why you can trust that you know your stuff

If you’d like me to answer your question on a future episode, simply comment and ask away

Leave a comment

And this one is one of my all time favourites.

In this conversation with Kate Toon, digital marketing extraordinaire, author and most recently, bookshop owner, we unpack how to build the confidence to be DISLIKED.

Yes … how to get comfortable with rejection so we can go and do our thing, anyway. Because really, when we say we’re ‘scared’ of public speaking … it’s not the fear of speaking, it’s the fear of judgement and rejection.

Listen in

Kate Toon has over 15 years of business experience sitting snugly in her gym tights, once completed 40 speaking events in just one year, and has been a resident expert on Kochie’s Business Builders - she has confronted this fear over and over again. And, as she explains in our chat, while she’s not necessarily ‘confident’ in being disliked, she’s got some great strategies to get herself on stages, on TV and on billboards anyway.

Listen in to hear Kate’s thoughts on :

• Getting comfortable with being disliked

• Dealing with random, rude emails that are explicit in their dislike

• Being contrarian and authentic to stand out in the crowd

• The value of the mundane in building a business

• The role of hormones in fear, and how to manage them

Want to know more about Unshakeable: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome? Just subscribe so you get my updates.

Subscribe now

To learn more about the fabulousness that is Kate Toon, visit her website

https://www.katetoon.com/

This conversation with Denise Duffield-Thomas is a standout!

If you don’t know Denise, she is the author of Chill and Prosper, the host of the Chill & Prosper podcast and a money mindset mentor. In her wildly successful Money Bootcamp, she has helped more than 10,000 people overcome their money mindset gremlins.

The shownotes will tell you all the ‘speaking with confidence’ stuff you’ll learn from this episode … I think the real juice though is how Denise is Denise.

• She doesn’t hide her ADHD

• She doesn’t try to be a perfect keynote speaker

• She doesn’t put on an act when she stands on stage

And it is her very authenticity, her ‘realness’ that enables her to make impact, at scale.

Once you’ve listened / watched the episode, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Leave a comment

Rather than just talk about this in theory, today’s episode you’re getting to listen in on a real confident communication coaching call that I had with a small business owner.

Caitlin runs a successful pet photography business; she now has a team of photographers capturing beautiful photos of families and their furry friends. And, like many small business owners, Caitlin was uncomfortable with her sales process and conversations.

Listen in to hear:

• How to shift your mindset from sales is ‘icky’ and ‘pushy’ to sales is a form of service

• How to use other communication techniques, like beginning with the end in mind, to reduce confusion and take your clients on a sales journey that feels good

• Different ways to respond to objections, and anticipate objections so they can be incorporated into the conversation

• How to package up your offers, and options, so they feel natural and easy for your clients to buyWhy speaking to your full stops, in full, complete sentences, rather than filling the silence with more words, is far more powerful than we realise

If you’d like a FREE Confident Communication Coaching Session, ⁠book here⁠.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating or review, or share it with your friends and colleagues.

To ask me a question, connect with me on instagram at ⁠https://www.instagram.com/catmatson/⁠

To have a look at Caitlin’s gorgeous pet portraits, visit her website - ⁠https://ragamuffinpetphotography.com.au/⁠