A controversial one today (actually, in the contexts of controversies, this is so minor maybe I shouldn’t be talking about it, but I have, so I’m committed, now) …
Apparently, if you listen to speaking coaches and ‘gravitas’ advisors, you should never ask
Does that make sense?
That little 4-word sentence is one of my go-to-phrases, so when I saw advice this popping up all over that platform full of experts, Instagram, I immediately took umbrage.
How on earth does a question that checks for understanding get such a bad rap?
Well, it turns out (according to the experts), it does 2 things:
It can sound condescending
It can infer that you’re not sure if you’ve explained yourself well enough.
The reason I ask ‘does that make sense’ is because I genuinely want to check for understanding before I move on to my next piece of information. I’m aware that sometimes I can skip detail, I can go down rabbit holes or just miss my mark (yes, even as a communication coach), so I ask to give my listener/s the opportunity to ask me questions or to let me know I’ve lost them. The question is designed as a closed question so someone has permission to say ‘no' … which then allows me to back-track.
And, I also acknowledge that if more than 1 expert on instagram is talking about it, perhaps it’s a blind spot of mine.
So when I asked, on Insta, how people feel when they’re asked that question, I was very grateful to Claire Harrison who said
“Love you Cat but do think it often sounds a little condescending, esp when they don’t stop to take a breath before continuing on! 😂”
Ahhh … blind spot revealed!
The real issue
Claire’s response demonstrates to me that it’s not the question itself that is the issue.
It’s the tone, the physiology and the intention behind the question.
If someone is asking the question without pausing for a response, it’s either condescending, or it’s a sophisticated filler phrase (instead of ‘umm’ or ‘ahhhh’).
If someone is asking the question from a place of genuine curiosity, there’ll be an inflection at the end, indicating a question (not an inference), and there’ll be body language, whether it’s open hands or a pause or a change in your eyes, that will elicit a meaningful answer.
Eliciting Engagement, Assessing Understanding
The other argument against the question is it undermines your credibility.
As someone who speaks to be in conversation, not to lecture, I don’t agree with this argument, as I personally use it as an engagement technique.
However, I can appreciate that asking more open questions might be more useful.
What do you think? (see what I did there)
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🎧 My Umbrage 😅 - LISTEN to the podcast
You can obviously watch this week’s full podcast episode, which is all about my thoughts on the question ‘Does that make sense?’.
However, if you’re like me and prefer to listen while you’re doing other things, you can do so …
Wishing you a fabulous weekend … I’ll see you again next week!
Here’s to confidence, here’s to impact, and here’s to ensuring your habitual questions aren’t inadvertently patronising your listeners 😉
Cat
